As we fast forward over the next few days whilst I recover nothing of note takes place, until the first night I return home and go to sleep.
And there I am again, right back in the middle of that one second before it happened, “Dammit, I fell asleep. Oh I’m off the road, oh shit that’s a culvert, now I'm dead … “
Only this time I'm not as resigned to my situation as I was before and I am certainly not calm. No this time I am full of fear, it is absolutely terrifying, I am going to die, this is going to hurt … no, no, no!
I wake, covered in sweat, heart thumping a million miles an hour. In the few seconds after stirring from a deep, dream state I’m panting with fear of being in the crash, of being right back there in it.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of nightmares over the years, but as I sit there rather stunned having been through it again I know there is something wrong with me, what I dreamt was so real, I was right back there re-living it. I'd never had a dream like that before.
I shared the nightmares with my boss, who promptly recommended the employee assistance program … counsellors and psychologist that work for employers. My first reaction came with the stigma that I was indoctrinated with … that if you went to the counsellor there was something wrong with you, you were a weirdo.
Despite the connotations I knew I was in a pickle, that dream I had was real and I needed to never go through that again, so I gave in and booked myself in for an appointment.
"I had no idea a whole new world would open to me."
As I look back upon the way I thought of the practice I oftentimes feel like slapping myself for my narrow minded stupidity, the mind carries as much health in your life as does the body so you should treat accordingly.
Today I’m a massive advocate for them, my partner even attends university to study it but if I weren’t for the crash I probably never would have gone. I would’ve tried to be tough and act like I was fine, even though I wasn’t.
If you have a broken leg, then you mend it … if somethings broken inside your mind, whether it be depression or anxiety, fear or loathing, it needs to be fixed too. Don’t be afraid to get help, cause we all need it on this journey of life.
The results for me pushing aside my reservations were nothing short of life changing. I had no idea a whole new world was about to open to me, just because I sat down and talked to someone.